NBA Finals, Irrational Quickfire Questions

Here we will answer some questions with the same irrationality and speed that a ICG takes his first deep three when he is subbed into the court. These are supposedly the burning questions everyone has about the league at the moment, according to ESPN.
Rules, no real planning is allowed, and answers must be able to be read within the time that it takes Ron Artest to punch someone in the face.

Finals Predictions??

S - The general media seem to be giving a decent edge to the spurs, because for some reason they feel like the heat won last year because of a lucky shot. Sure, the shot was very tough and an unlikely way to save game, but to think that’s the only reason the heat won is to sell them way short. The heat won because Lebron was comfortably the best player in the series, tony parker was a tiny bit hobbled for the last few games (his ankle is a question mark again) and wade was completely unstoppable in the mid range (the part of the floor the spurs were happy to give up). Those things could easily happen again. If the spurs win, it will be because they’ve improved, not because they should have won last year. Duncan was better last year, Parker was better last year, Manu is way better this year and so is Sugar K.

Key factors for me are Pakers ankle, Lebrons defensive energy, Wades usual stuff, Boshs confidence, and Manus ability to deal with a disciplined defence. 

I havent bet against the heat in 4 years, and Im not about to start. Id feel too dirty. If the heat are gona win it will be in 6 and so ill say heat in 6.

J - My hate for the Spurs has grown surprisingly Large since they just knocked the boys out. They are the best team. They are ridiculously deep and extremely well coached. Although despising them, I truly want them to win, for this one reason, they can then piss off. Fingers crossed.

I still have a weird feeling the Heat are going to win, and I find it so hard to pick against the Best player in the league.
I'm going to go semi with my heart tho, Spurs in 7
 

Where does LeBron sit on the all time players list if the Heat win? Dwyane?

 

S -  The LeBron and Wade thing is something ill write about after the season, but if they get another one, LeBron moves to top 5, and Wade I’m not sure, I have to look at it closer.

J - LeBron will get into top 5 at least, will have to do some research to distinguish how high, Wade I don't know, he is high though, clearly cemented himself as one of the best 2 guards ever.

As a Heat fan, what will be your reaction every time Danny Green hits a 3?

 

S - Danny green will be annoying, but along as the shots are contested I wont be too angry. He didn’t hurt the heat last year all series, just the first half.

J - Not a Heat fan, but I will be pooling all the money from my sisters piggy banks so I can put a decent ransom on his head if we have to face him again.  

 

If the spurs win, will Tim Duncan and Pop retire, thus making life better for everyone? Lose?

S - If they win they both retire, if  not they go again.

J - Please just go.

 

K-Love? 

 

S - Kevin Love is something I have no idea about, but I think the Lakers have a good chance.

J - I think the Lakers have a chance just because they are the Lakers, but it makes no sense for him. He has said he wants to win, and I'm sorry but the Lakers aren't winning any time soon.

 

Your a consultant to every NBA GM in the league, what do you tell them about Lance? How much do you pay?

S - I'd only touch Lance if I had a very mature, stable locker room with leadership but really need a SG. Theres not many teams like that. Buy many Gms are dumb.

J - I thought Larry Bird killed him after game 6?

 

Does OKC need to make changes? How?

 

S - OKC are very close, they need a better bench, you cant have Fisher playing meaningful minutes. Maybe start Adams? Durant needs to continue to improve, Russell needs to let him. They really really need to run a legitimate offence, their huge talent is in someways doing them a disservice. They can also just wait till the spurs are gone and the heat change direction, Where they are now might be good enough next year or the year after anyway.

J - They definitely need to make a few moves this offseason, an extra piece of the bench would be lovely. Steven Adams will be starting very soon. I'm not sure about Thabo, like is he good anymore? he definitely cant play offence and his D was unusable against the Spurs. Jeremy needs to develop, Offence needs to be run and Hasheem needs to get his pants sorted out (http://theirrationalconfidenceguy.blogspot.com.au/2014/05/western-conf-finals-game-3-recap.html).

Considering your overflowing bank accounts, what turned you off purchasing the Clippers?

S - The Clippers name turned me off, they should become the California African Americans.

J - I was keen but then they told me that I wouldn't be allowed to arrest Mr Sterling and use him as half time entertainment. I was going to put him in medieval style stocks in the middle of the court allowing people to throw food as they wish.
This was going to be my main promotion or the team and when that fell through it just didn't seem profitable.

How sad will you be if D-Fish retires?

S - In my mind Fisher retired in 2004 so I don’t really mind. Im not sure what he will do next. He wants to be a coach and could be a good one. I don’t think he’s as popular around the L as people think. He did an awful job of leading the players association.

J - I recon Fisher tries to out last Kobe so he goes to Germany this offseason and gets bionic legs.

ELITE NBA BIG MEN, WHO'S NEXT?

Ive done a fair bit of reading and youtube watching for Joel Embiid. Theres like 4 guys that interest me in this draft, but at this stage he’s the only one that really excites me. Since I literally like none from last years pool, with the exception of Victor possibly (who I haven’t watched enough of to know), Im starting early on this years class. Im not getting ahead of myself though as I’ve only seen him play 1 college game, but he’s definitely the guy who I like the sound of the most. A legit 7ft with great defensive instincts, massive wing span and hands, great athlete, great skills for only a few years playing and moves well (simmons describes him as a taller serge). Other than Jordan and Wade, most of my favourite players have always been big men.

This playoffs is proving their importance again. If you want to make the playoffs, get an all star of any position and put some pieces around him. If you want to win a ring, get 2 or 3 all stars and make sure one of them is big (or Lebron James).Ive always wished that I could have seen more of Olajuwan and Robinson in their prime, but have only seen a couple of their games. Their defensive numbers are just amazing and they have attributes that set them apart. Hakeem in the post was just beautiful and Robinson was an absolute freaklete. 

Seriously, look at this guy

From what Ive read he could cover a stupid amount of ground defensively. I’m also trying to savor what its like to watch Tim Duncan, although I need to despise him right now, and certainly did last year, (I'm an all time Wade fan, and therefore follow the Heat) he’s probably going to be in the top 5 players I will get to watch in my life time.

"What did you say about me not having a Title?"

Over the next 50 years there will be other great players, but ill always remember watching Duncan, Kobe, Lebron, Wade and Durant, thats a lot of top 25 guys playing around the one time. And I also got to see a lot of KG and Shaq but they were out of their primes before I got to see many of their games. Watching KG absolutely destroy the league defensively on those early celtics teams will always be a good memory. Anyway, the point to all this is that I hope that Davis, and possibly Embiid can join this big man group one day. When the most intimidating big in next years playoffs might be Hibbert or Ibaka or Gasol or even Dwight, that sucks. Im keen for the next elite big man to come (Dwight never quite got there). I was a big Dwight fan in his first few years and I fully expected him to be the leagues next dominant championship, KG type big man. While he was elite on D for a few years, he never developed as a scorer, passer or leader and therefore fell way short of the guys I mentioned before. 

So Im going to compare the first few years of a few of the best big men from the past 20 years and see what kinds of things Davis needs to do to get into that conversation. Ill include KG, Duncan, Hakeem, Robinson, Malone, but not Shaq. Shaq was just too different and is not even worth comparing. Its like he played an entirely different position. Obviously these guys are the best of the best, and most of them have rings to back up their numbers. KG has huge career totals and will finish his career with one of the all time best combination of points, rebounds, blocks and steals. He has also won an MVP, DPOY and a ring. Duncan is the best PF ever, Hakeem is the best post player ever, is the all time leader in blocks and has 2 rings etc, Robinson is one of the all time great PER monsters and has a couple of rings and Malone is currently 2 on the all time list for total points. He scored more points in his career than MJ. So this is a pretty damn good list to be compared too, and obviously Davis has a very long way to go. To finish his career alongside these guys he will need to win a ring or two and continue to improve and put up big numbers. But based on what we have seen over his first 2 years, he has a great chance of being right there. Here’s the numbers for the first 2 years of this group. Note the drastic differences in the age that these players were drafted due to college/ high school trends.

Average stats after 2 years

Name	Rookie Age	PPG	RPG	APG	BLK	STL	PER
Kevin Garnett	19	14	7	2.5	1.8	1.5	17.0
Anthony Davis	19	17	9	1	2.5	1.5	24.1
Tim Duncan	21	21	11.5	2.5	2.5	0.8	23
Hakeem Olajuwan	22	22	12	2	3	1.5	22.6
Karl Malone	22	18	9.5	2.5	0.5	1.5	15.8
David Robinson	24	25	12	2	2.5	0.8	26.8

 Per NBA reference.com

The thing with big men is that they take a long time to develop, firstly they need to fill out physically and also very few have polished offensive games when they first come in. So for KG to come out of high school and play at 19 was a very interesting move. After a few years he obviously turned into a beast, but to begin with hes at a clear disadvantage just because of his age (he was almost Kevin Durant thin anyway).  Compare him to David Robinson who started playing at 24 after a full collage  career and time in the Navy to become on of the most manly men to ever man, and you can see why their numbers are so different. Seriously its incredible that Robinson put up those numbers in his first 2 years, Id take rookie Robertson over any NBA big man now in their prime. Comfortably. But at 24, he wasn’t really a rookie, he was a full grown man victimizing other men like they were children (while also being the nicest guy ever, he thought he was getting to egotistical so he went on a Christian cleansing camp…….what). Anyway Duncan, Hakeem and Malone all had college careers and came in at 21/22. Now obviously Davis’ raw numbers don’t quite stack up, expect on defense, but his PER is second only to the 24 year old Robinson! And he came in after one year of college at 19. Pretty impressive.

Now lets assume that he improves slightly over the next 3 or so years and his raw numbers increase while maintaining an elite PER. Heres what he will be aiming for

  

Average stats after 5 years

Name	Rookie Age	PPG	RPG	APG	BLK	STL	PER
Kevin Garnett	19	18	9	3.5	1.8	1.5	20
Tim Duncan	21	23	12	3	2.5	0.8	24.3
Hakeem Olajuwan	22	23	12	2	3	2	23.5
Karl Malone	22	25	10.5	2.5	0.5	1.5	20.8
David Robinson	24	25	12	3	3.8	1.7	27.2

As far as I can tell, keeping with this group is totally achievable from a statistical standpoint. Its fair to expect him to climb to roughly 22, 11, 2, 2.5, 1.5, 27 over that time which would statistically put him right there with Duncan, again only trailing the much older Robinson and Hakeem.

Barring injury theres no reason why this shouldn’t happen. His career is going to need to be assisted greatly by teammates, and hopefully things go more towards the Duncan or Malone rout rather than the KG one. KG wasted his youth and prime in Minnesota playing for horrible teams. Had he been drafted somewhere else, KG v Duncan could have really been a legitimate conversation. I just hope that AD doesn’t get stuck in a horrible situation.

He's obviously very thin, and a little injury prone at this stage, but his upside is through the roof. Hes a 6”11 PF who can handle the ball, shoot from range, score around the rim, and be a defensive menace. If he adds either a solid low post game or develops his corner jumper into a major weapon, I can see him averaging 25 for sure. Going in another direction, his brow is a funny gimmick at the moment. Hes still young and can get away with something goofy like that. However if he's going to become a superstar, hes going to want his play to shine brighter than his brow. I think he will get rid of it at some point.

"Hey Girl"

On to the next big man related topic, Ive heard media people pronounce Embiids name both Joel and Jo-el. Im not sure which one I think sounds better. Obviously Joel is a better name for 99% of the population, but I kinda like Jo-el Embiid. Maybe my reservations are due to Jo-el Anthony, a man who I dearly love, and whos game is the worst case scenario for any big man. Joel Embiid sounds solid, dependable, and so on, while Jo-el Embiid sounds exotic and unpredictable. Its these kinds of observations that convince me I’m destined to write for ESPN.

S-

Western Conf. Finals Game 3 Recap: Clothing Issues the Biggest Problem for OKC

The Thunder won, by enough. 106-97.
Im not recapping the entire game for you, because I saw it, and if you really care you would have or will watch it yourself. Although I must mention several topics. (I must point out that I am a raging, KD fan and therefore cherish the Thunder).

Serge Ibaka. The 6ft 10inch guy out of the Congo, flipping showed up. And I mean that, after it was expected that he wouldn't. Only 10 days ago Serge suffers a major calf strain which is firstly diagnosed as a season ending injury.
Although 2 days before game three the injury changed to a Day to Day situation before he walks out on the court for the game.
Now either we are seeing a rather major cock up by the young team doctor or a organisational tactical move. One in which Sam (Darth Sideous) Presti attempted to manipulate the wise and unrelenting Spurs Jedi council into believing that they didn't have to deal with the ring protecting tyrant any longer in the hope of springing an attack on them. Obviously Master Popovich, or Master Pop's as the youngling's call him, is far smarter than Yoda and expected the return all along. (This relation to Star Wars is gradually falling apart the longer I go with it).
Anyway, say this was a plan from the beginning they went to the extent of making Serge believe it. He reported that "he cried after hearing the news from the doctor," that he wouldn't be able to play in the playoffs.

How it happened doesn't really matter now, he is back, hopefully to stay.
Let us all be reminded of how important he is, because whether we are committed fans or just pretend we know things about the NBA, we can all generally discuss the Thunders two superstars, whilst Serge gets far less, and often none of the spotlight. Todays game, yet again highlighted the fact that the power forward dramatically changes games.
Yes Russell Westbrook is a better player, although to the Thunder, Serge is just as important, but gets no where near as much credit. He doesn't get triple doubles, isn't as exciting and doesn't dress like a blind man without a carer.
Although Ibaka does get good stats (15.1ppg, 8.8rpg, 2.7bpg, .536 FG% this season) most of what he does doesn't come in the form of raw box score numbers most fans idolise players for.
Most obvious of which is his ring protection, in the first two games of the series the spurs scored 120 points in the paint (Gm 1: 66, Gm 2: 54) without Ibaka. In game 3, with what should be a "not 100%," PF defending them the Spurs scored only 40, not to mention the 4 blocks.
Not only does this stop them scoring in the paint, Serge is the anchor of the defence. Without him the thunder look awful. Russell diving on every pump fake and taking massive risks most SanAntonio possessions, he is truly the biggest gambler since Archie Karas. Kevin has to play bigger than he is a lot of the time and even Thabo couldn't handle anyone without the security of the rim stopper behind him.
Serge, stretches the floor, provides a 3rd reliable scoring option and sets damn good screens (which actually the other OKC bigs can do, for the most part (if KP gets there in time)).

Serge Ibaka changes this series. Someone give him some love.

Tony Parker and Kawhi Leonard will need to come out stronger in game 4 for the Spurs to win away. Tony Parker uncharacteristically threw the ball away far to many times today and it hurt them. He had 4 turnovers and contributed to a few others whilst shooting 4 of 13 from the field after an awful start to the game. Kawhi had 10 for the game although almost seemed non existent for most of the game besides a big dunk in the third.
Manu was brilliant in the first half and normally a spurs team where he scores 20 plus is a winning team, although no one came with him or was able to take over when he went quiet after the major break.

Game 4 will be very exciting, the Spurs will certainly adjust and Serge will be able to rest before then. OKC's biggest problem which stood out after game 3 although was the clothing issues presented by the back-back-backup centre Hasheem Thabeet. I snapped this picture at the end of the 4th quarter today.

Remember the days when your mother dressed you.

After sitting on the bench for so long the 7 foot centre has unfortunately forgotten how to properly wear clothes. This has become a problem for 3rd string big men in the past having spent so much time watching the game from the sideline that they cannot formulate the correct body actions to place their shorts in the acceptable position. 

When questioned after the game today about his extended minutes, (3:24, couldn't have been more than that, I don't care at all about him so cannot be stuffed to look it up and get it right), he responding by saying "yes it was very unfortunate, I was pumped and ready to go when coach pointed to me. I started strong, but after my first foul call I looked up at the screen and noticed my shorts where up covering my nipples." When the reporter asked if it hurt to have your shorts that high, Hasheem gingerly reached for his crotch and then left the room.

Derek Fisher was clearly frustrated by the big mans lack of awareness and commented by saying "us veterans do all we can to teach these kids how to act in the NBA, although we can only do so much, some guys just don't get it."

This has become an ongoing problem for Thabeet who was embarrassed to reveal it occurred once before on the 21/12/2012 photo below (the last time he really played basketball).

J-

The NBA physical appearance power rankings, + some

M- you wise and whimsical scholar.

I completely concur, the NBA could be so much better. 

I agree with all your points minus caring about Wade's championship tally. Your last point is off particular interest i think to all people. Not that i think about his penis too often but Im convinced that KD's is most certainly in complete coherence to the rest of his body, super long and super skinny. He surely takes the phrase, "snake in your pants" (a well known saying) to a whole new level. 

It probably looks like one of those bendy long rubber pencils you got at the year 4 book week. 

google search "long rubber pencil that is floppy,"

In following to S- favourite player email, 

For me, my favourite player is KD, although not jumped on as early as you embraced Wade, i found a love in his rookie year, (the same year i started really following the NBA, 07). 

starting with a late fantasy trade that acquired me the young stick insect, and watching a game with you guys i believe, back in the old espn days. 

Right now the 2nd best player in the league, in terms of his place in history, everything is dependant on the future as he is so young. This year being the starting ground, (fingers crossed) after his first elite season, Per Nba.com.

We will see where he goes, will he become a champion, multiple mvp player, multiple elite year guy, multiply chips. Who knows where he will end up and be remembered, its almost limitless at this point, (besides he isnt as a complete player as MJ or Lebron or any of those top 5 or so guys, so he isnt getting to no.1). He could end up top 20, or he could be remembered as an elite scorer, and hopes those tent poles he has for legs and arms hold up and he doesnt just end up as another T Mac. Exciting!

Its of Paramount importance that we discuss and define the leagues most attractive players, since it is the playoffs and there is so many other important things we should and could be discussing. 

Rules, 

1. openly talking about love of men stays here,

2. any players that we dislike are immediately excluded from the top rankings, because no matter how pretty you aint gonna marry a chick that is just mean or plays for the Lakers.

Top 2 and bottom 5, 

1. Dwyane Wade 

Its not even a competition

Good lips, Good head, muscles, he is the full package, 

Not one female on this planet would look at him and say, "Nah, i wouldnt tap that."

and looks smashing in the semi dracula type coat. 

only downside is his massive belly button ive just noticed under his bling 

and yes, i did stoop as low as searching "dwyane wade sexy," to search for an image. 

2. Bradely Beal 

I just feel that he is, some have disagreed, but i dont mind his ears, and ive always liked a small head you can hold in your hands. He has the smile of a goddess and the arms of a god. 

Im sure his chest muscles are rather flavorsome as well. 

first, last 5, assuming there are 401 players in the NBA 

357. Carlos Boozer

white..... and ugly in the face area

358. Russel Westbrook 

Orc.... 

The resemblance is uncanny. 

359. Lebron James 

Body of a mythical creature, very impressive, but more scary than anything, and the face of the runt of the monkey litter who is slowly loosing its hair. 

400. Greg Oden 

couldnt be a more messed up face, looks about 46 years older than he actually is, although he does make up for it by being hung like and Egyptian (Ezekial 23:19-21) yeah the expression "hung like a horse," comes from the Bible. 

401. Chandler Parsons

Chandler parsons is here becuase he was voted most attractive NBA player, therefore he is placed at the bottom of my very highly acknowledged list which will hopefully bring his average down and therefore place him around where he should to be. 

J-