Dwyane Wade: the Finals, the Aftermath and the Offseason

As a long time Dwyane Wade fan, the last few weeks have been very uncomfortable. There are just so many questions that I have no answers too. Watching Wade throughout this season has been a roller coaster. 

In some ways he has added to his legacy this year, shooting an outrageous 55% from the field and being a star on a team who made it to their 4^th straight finals. In other ways he has shown more of his age than ever before, clearly unable to play at a high level every night of the NBA season. Through the playoffs, Wade looked very good in patches, again being very efficient and making huge plays on both ends. He also had a strong start to the finals. He then faded quickly over the last three games, showing the state of his body and also state of his mind. He’s simply missed too many games and hasn’t taken enough shots over the past year to maintain his very important level on confidence. 

This heat roster, Wade being the prime case, looked far worse in the Spurs series than they probably are. Coming up against a hungry, ready force like the 2014 spurs would have been very tough. On the back of three straight finals appearances, and with a team so reliant on players at the very end of their careers, the heat simply didn’t have the energy to play with the spurs, and they knew it. I cant imagine how hard it would be mentally to play with a high level on energy and commitment when your opponent is running an almostperfect offence and not missing any shots in doing it. There were many times throughout the series when the heat simply didn’t work hard enough, or weren’t able to contest the shots that they had easily contested in the previous three years. Even when they did play adequate defense, the spurs hit the shots anyway. This made the heat look so much worse than they probably deserved to look. The spurs were the worst possible team to come up against, and they took full advantage of the heats deficiencies. Also, a team like Miami thrive off missed shots and getting out in transition. Its very hard to do that when your opposition literally never misses a shot. The boys were flat, deflated, exhausted, and outmatched, Wade included. By the end of the series Wade could not play the defense required, and on the other he consistently beat his man off the dribble (often spectacularly) but then almost never attempted to finish at the rim. His confidence and energy were shot. Wade constantly and effectively made outrageous passes to wide open perimeter shooters, who missed every time. Chalmers, Cole, Battier etc were awful, and Wade couldn’t simply go into top 20 all time mode anymore. That season is over.

So as a Wade fan, what do I want to happen now? As a fan who likes seeing him win championships, the ideal situation this off season is obvious. Wade follows Lebrons lead in opting out, and the signs a new 3 or 4 year deal worth less per year allowing the heat to retool. Wade could still be paid respectfully, but allow the team to add depth of which the heat had literally none of for most of the season. The perfect comparison here is Tim Duncan ,who in my mind has become the all time great franchise player. In 2012, Duncan had 4 rings, multiple MVPs and a top 10 NBA career. If Duncan had asked the Spurs for a max deal to see him out, he would have earned it,though it would have prevented the Spurs from filling out their roster withquality role players as they have now. Instead Duncan took a 3 year deal worth around 10 million per year. Still an amount that aligned with his worth in terms of production, but not a deal that handcuffed his team financially. 

On the other hand Kobe was in a similar position last year, coming off a majorinjury after a very productive, but in no way elite season. Kobe decided totake a 2 year deal worth roughly 24 million per year. Again, Kobe had earned this pay day after all he has done during his great career for the Lakers. Even though his current production did not warrant anywhere near that money, hiscareer had justified giving Kobe whatever he asked for. The issue here is that Kobe has long said that his only motivation to keep playing is to win championships. By signing that contract, Kobe signed away any chance he had of achieving that dream, and he knew it. So now the narrative quite tragicallygoes, that Kobe has been let down by the Laker front office for not surrounding him with quality teammates, while Tim Duncan is lucky to continue to play with great team mates. The truth is that both of these players sealed their fatewhen they signed these last contracts. This brings us back to Wade. Wade could easily decide to opt in to his current deal, and earn just over 20 million for the next 2 years. This would leave him at age 35 with 3 rings, and a top 20 NBA career. 

Nothing to sneeze at and he has earned the right to do this. If this is his decision, I will be disappointed that Wades championship window has closed, but not angry. The media of course will go after Wade as they often seem to do. While Kobe was signing an extension, Wade would simply be playing out his current deal, and should not be heavily criticized for it. If he wants to win however, he will opt out and sign or more Duncanesque deal. I think that Wade probably will do the winning thing over the money thing, but I cant be sure. I would not be surprised if Wade already knows his plan, and knows exactly how things will go from here. Theres no way that he, LeBron , Riley and Co haven’t already discussed this in detail. Wade is probably waiting it out, letting the world talk about him as he has always liked the attention (so does every other player in the L, Durant and Rose included).

This whole thing is just very uncomfortable, rooting for your boy to accept that hes not as good as he used to be. Im not ready for this heat team to stop competing for rings, although Im not the one who has to give up 10 million a year. Of course the average NBA fan can just move on, find a new guy, treat their old favorite like that Great Aunt with dementia that you have stopped talking about. But I cant, even at this point he's still worth watching for the chance that he will fake right, go left while splitting the double team, gather with two strides going opposite directions and then finish at the rim. It still happens sometimes, but not as much as I would like. 

Breaking News: LeBron says he will sign with Miami for $24.80

Heading into the offseason after a disappointing loss in the NBA Finals LeBron James, who has a big decisions to make in terms of where he wants to be playing in the coming years, has mentioned he will sign with Miami, for next to nothing.
Each of the Big 3, who together, have made the last four NBA finals, have the option to opt out of their contract this year, and resign wherever they like.
LeBron being the most valuable of the three has come under a lot of scrutiny in terms of where he will be taking his talents. Many teams have been freeing up cap space and packaging a tempting enough lineup to lure the superstar forward. Some franchises have even gone to the extent of sending love letters with chocolates and sometimes even roses to LeBron's Miami residence in an attempt to woo him into "bed" with them.

Although only minutes before getting on a plane with his wife and kids to go on vacation King James made comments about his future. He first told reporters how devastated he is about the Finals loss. "Thats what its about, this game, its all about winning that one series, and we didn't, we weren't good enough." He then went on to say how since Chris (Bosh) has mentioned he will be willing to take less money to keep his home near to the warm beaches of Florida, so is he. "Its all about putting the best team together, we have had that in the past, and I'm more than willing to take a bit less money, to make that again."

Although as the games best player continued to talk, things came to light that seem to suggest that a "bit less," is a massive under exaggeration.
"It makes sense, I take less money, so does Chris and Wade, and we can afford to bring a few more assets to this winning franchise," when questioned he mentioned he doesn't need the money "Dude, have you seen my Nike deal, and hey the more chips I get the money I will accumulate anyway dawg! I'm set."

"Ive spoken to Pat and the organisation, they are all in, I've messaged Kevin (Love) and Kyle (Lowry), and they both sent emoticons back so they should be all good for it," "I'm pretty sure Melo would be keen as well."
Pat Riley confirmed shortly after that LeBron has decided to sign with the Heat as soon as possible for $24.80. "He didn't have any cash on him and there was a shirt he saw at one of the markets that he really wanted on the way in, so I just gave him the cash and he said he would sign with us again."

This one

Things were looking great for Miami, the possibility of keeping their Big 3 whilst having the funds to add a few extra high quality players. That was until yesterday when Kobe posted a tweet, trash talking Wade, saying he mustn't be a franchise player thats respected enough to be paid anything reasonable. Dwayne now says he will be signing for no less that $48.6 million, so thats all screwed.

- Sorry for the Satire -

The NBA Champs: Plus Some Things a Few Men Went and Said

The 2014 Finals are over..... damn!! Now we have to endure the offseason, pretend to care about the summer league then force ourselves to get excited about regular season match ups.

The surprise of how good the playoffs actually are for an NBA fan hits me every year as the dull of the regular season diminishes my excitement. Although the expectation for whats coming makes it all worth it. The Finals are always, even when it is a 5 game massacre, the perfect climax to the perfect crescendo.

This year we witnessed exactly that, an absolute routing of the defending champs. Not only did the spurs win, they won by a lot. After the series was tied after two games everyone thought we had another 7 game series on our hands. Then game 3 the Spurs pulled out a 71 point half, you know what happened, flipping amazing happened. Although we all knew Pop's team had that, or something close to that, we knew they could blast a team away with their fast paced High-Volume-Unselfishness per possession rate (HVU) offence. Lets not forget, the Heat were playing pretty well at this point on offencsive end as well, shooting 57% at the half, yet still getting absolutely pumped.

Game 4 came along and we all expected LeBron to have an FU game, or the Heat to just come out and fight for their pride. I expected a tied series at 2-2.
The game the spurs brought out for the 4th of the series was really something amazing. To do it once to an elite team was possible, to do it twice in a row, on the road, is ridiculous.
Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson kept throwing around remarks about how "surprised," and "disappointed" in the heat they were.
They were right. We all witnessed the two best teams in the league go head to head. One of which are the 2 time defending Champions and we saw the better team, destroy them. It was surprising, it was disappointing, but man it was beautiful.

At the start it didn't look like they were going to, but they finished game 5 the same way they played the final 3 games. And now the Spurs, are the NBA Champs. Tim Duncan one of the best of all time, top 10 for sure, wins his 5th. Tony has 4, and a hall of fame badge to go with it, I assume you get a badge, you should definitely get a badge.
Manu has 4, and should get a badge as well. The Spurs, what a dynasty.

You can read the x and o's elsewhere, although you can check out some of the lovely things we heard from the wonderful broadcasting team of Mark Jackson, Jeff Van Gundy (JVG), and Mike Breen here.

I think they did a great job might I add, but from an aussie fan, having to watch my favourite sport through League Pass, (which works sometimes) this is what I heard.

Mark Jackson - "Who, What, When Where Kawhi?"

Pre-Game
"Hey Mark, your looking pretty tired today,"

"Jeff, yeah man, I had a long one last night,"

"oh really, raccoons get into the kitchen again?"

"Nah man, just,...(yawns)..... doing work ready for today, was up till 4,"

"Greif, you plan out the whole broadcast did you?"

"ahh, noo, nope. Just, just working on, one line,
hmm, yeah, yeah its pretty good,"

"oh, okay Mark, well I look forward to it."

"you will know when it happens,"

Post-Game
"Great broadcast guys, very smooth, what a game!"

"Thanks Mike, you and Jeff really carried me again... (group laughter)..."

"Whatever Mark, you killed it as usual coach, spewing you didn't get the line you worked on in there though."

"oh nah, I ahh, I threw it in there,"

"oh you did? I'm... I'm sorry, I must have missed it"

"nah Jeff you responded, when Leonard made that dunk?"

"oh wait, was it the, what not, when, Kawhi something one?"

"yeah, yeah it was, Who, What, When, Where, Kawhi,"

"damn, I'm sorry Mark, yeah that was a... it was a good one, well done buddy, thats why we have you here," (said through a toothy smile).

People liked it though so that's fine (Per twitter). In the big scheme of things, he was correct though. We knew the Spurs were capable of this onslaught, although it was a massive surprise to see it, especially against Miami.
Mark Jackson's comment is completely justified and validated by the Finals MVP.

Going in, each of the teams respective Big 3's were going to be good, and for the most part they were. Check out the averages for the series (points, rebounds, assists, turnovers).

LeBron James - 28 ppg 7.8 rpg 4 apg 3.8 tpg
Dwyane Wade - 15.2 ppg 3.8 rpg 2.6 Apg 3.6 tpg
Chris Bosh - 14 ppg 5.2 rpg 1 apg 0.8 tpg

The Spurs big 3 kept well up to pace, besides LeBron being the best player in the world. They were still extremely impactful and forced the Spurs into dominating most of the series, with averages of:

Tony Parker - 18 ppg 0.4 rpg 4.6 apg 2 tpg
Timothy Duncan - 15.4 ppg 10 rpg 2 apg 2.4 tpg
Manu Ginoboli  - 14.4 ppg 3 rpg 4.4 apg 2.4 tpg

The battle of the big 3's, for the most part is fairly even. You could throw in a hundred arguments to throw the table either way. Considering not just the stats, general performance as well, LeBron had big nights, but that's scaled by quiet Bosh and Wade appearances. Yet from this series, although Miami's should be a lot better, the run of the big three's ended in a pretty close race.

What won this series, was the Kawhi factor,

JVG - "Hey guys you know the mystery of the Big Foot, well I think there is a new myth circulating through the San Antonio area, the myth of the Big Hand, BIG HAND KAWHI LEONARD." (Paraphrased quote)

This comment was so unfortunately forced, the "Big Hand," isn't a great nick name, but it's one that Jeff fully expects to catch on throughout NBA fan bases. Which it won't. He is also attempting to call Kevin Durant "Long arms," and LeBron "athletic man."

Kawhi, although was magnificent, and it was the supporting cast led by the well hung man himself (coz you know what big hands mean) (its just science), was what won it for the spurs. check out the series stats for the spurs supporting big 3.

Kawhi Leonard- 17.8 ppg 6.4 rpg 2 apg 1.8 tpg
Danny Green - 9.2 ppg 2 rpg 1.2 apg 1.2 tpg
Boris Diaw - 6.2 ppg 8.6 rpg 5.8 apg 1.6 tpg

Kawhi was massive, especially in the last 3 games, Danny Green did what Danny does and hit 3's and Boris was consistently masterful passing the ball.
Miami, had next to no supporting cast outside of a few plays from Ray, none that showed up regularly at least.
Hey and even Patty Mills was just as good as him, oh you don't believe me

Patty Mills - 10.2 ppg 1.4 rpg 1.6 apg 0.2 tpg
Ray Allen - 9.8 ppg 3 rpg 1.8 apg 1.6 tpg

(AUS pride reppin)

The Spurs supporting Big 3 + the rest of the contributors, were what brought it home for them. Those stats don't mention the Defence put up by those guys. Kawhi himself was guarding LeBron most of the time, Diaw when Leonard wasn't. Danny Green was intense and came up with big steals and made people adjust when he didn't.

Mark Jackson - "Hand down, Man Down,"

I have never been more sick of a phrase in my life, surely you can think of something new, 3.23 minutes after you just said it. Seriously, Mark found the inconceivable need to say the same flipping thing every time someone made a three. 

Which if you didn't notice, the Spurs do a heck of a lot. The Finals MVP, Manu, Danny, Diaw, Marco, Patty even Tony was knocking them down. The San Antonio, fast paced, Dantoni-esk offence, which makes more passes and screens than any motion we have seen in a long time, provides open looks for all of the highly capable shooters. It was beautiful.

Yes Kawhi got MVP, but Tim could have easily got it as well. 

I recon they should have just given it to Pop. He is the real MVP of this team, he makes it all work, he convinces every player to buy in and he makes them all better. 

The Big 3's had their battle, and in the end it was pretty close, with only LeBron being the obvious outlier. Although thats all Miami had. The Spurs on the other hand, had the Power of the Pop. He brought his veterans to the finals playing the best basketball they have all season, he backed his role players as usual and they outperformed the opposition more than comfortably. And he unleashed the "Big Hand" on the world, to wreck havoc as the future of the franchise. 

They were supreme in every facet. The Spurs NBA champs.

Jeff Van Gundy - "Spend your fathers day this year with the WNBA, the Mercury facing off against the Lynx starting at 1pm this weekend."

Or.... kids, wives, grandchildren and all those who respect a Dad somewhere, you could buy him a saw. Ten years ago, let it get wet, leave it out in the sun so it gets nice and rusty.
Then give it to him this fathers day.

No Jeff, during the NBA Finals, watching almost perfect basketball, I don't want to watch the WNBA, I would rather, well, cut my hand off with a rusty saw.

Well done.

J -

Are the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat Actually Any Good at Basketball?????

LeBron wasn't really ever liked by everybody. People generally respected his game, they acknowledged he was the best. But a lot still didn't like him, getting annoyed by his arrogant attitude and amplified antics. Then he made the decision, Cleveland turned on him like Mr Iscariot turned on his bro, and so did most fan bases when he made another super team happen. Today most of the dislike of LeBron has worn off. ("dislike," not hate, there is still more than enough hate, see how twitter when off its twits when he had some cramping game 1).
Although there was once a time when fans wouldn't want to watch the Heat because they couldn't stand the Super Star forward, or just hated the thought of the team leading the league for the coming seasons.
Today some are becoming fed up with Miami, which is natural unless your a long time supporter. No one who isn't part of the Heat fan base wants to see the same team win titles for very long. A lot of people want this to be over.

How much damn makeup is he wearing!

There seems to be somewhat similar feelings toward the Spurs. Mainly from the west. None of their stars are particularly disliked like the Heats. although they are so very good. They have had their shot, and although never charging for three straight like the Heat, they still have that "just go away already," feel about them. Seriously, its been 15 years. Maybe just share it around for a bit. The prolonged dominance is truly outrageous and many fan bases just want this to be over.

To answer the many emails that I'm getting from anonymous accounts questioning whether the San Antonio Spurs and the Miami Heat are actually any good at basketball, I say yes. Yes they are.

In fact, we are seeing two of the best basketball playing, basketball teams ever. I am neither a Heat nor a Spurs fan and have been burnt by both in the past, one just last round. But I can't allow my hate to blind me from the brilliant basketball that is being played.

The Miami Heat have the best player in the World, a two guard, who when on the court and at his best can be the best shooting guard in the league and an underrated good defensive big man who still looks like a raptor. The Heat would be great just running on these three engines with a few extra cogs to surround them. Although they aren't just great, they are brilliant, 2 chips proves that. They don't just play a three man game, they play one of the best team games around. Role players such as Ray Allen, Noris, Rashaad, Oden, Rio, Birdman, play actual roles, and play them well. Although what is more admirable, is the unselfishness, increasingly so, of the three stars. All of the big three are very unselfish players, not just in the way that they are willing to make the extra pass and give up their own 2 points. Its to the extent where they are willing to give up their usage, their ball time. LeBron has had to do this the least, because LeBron is still the best. He has to be, otherwise what is the point of having him. Although his basketball IQ for the player he is, is outstanding, he makes the right plays, almost all of the time. Is more than happy to kick it out to a shooter and doesn't get phased by the pressure of the game or his haters.
More interestingly although is the reduction in status taken by Wade and Bosh. Before the Big three took it to south beach, Wade was the man in Miami, and so was Bosh in Toronto. It took them a while to figure it out, don't get me wrong, but they have got it.
Wade has slotted into being the second guy so well, the change he has had to make isn't nearly as obvious now since its been a while and he isn't playing as much. Although throughout the 2012 season the step back he took in usage whilst still keeping an elite level of performance was humbling. He allowed LeBron to take control yet stayed an explosive second option.
Bosh has done much the same, he has adapted, lessened himself to do what is best for the team. He has become a better shooter, stretching the floor on offence and keeping the lane open for Wade and LeBron. These days getting out as a reliable 3 point option and being the guy "that makes it all work," as coach Eric Spoelstra likes to say just about every day of his human life.
Speaking of Spo, he has also contributed to making this team and Elite performing machine. Particularly on defence, having constructed the Miami, gunning trap that thwarts most teams, and is really impressive to watch. Miami isn't just a loaded team, they are a star led group with a heap of contributors. Everyone is unselfish, the ball moves, and there are shooters all over the court. Yes, the Heat can play Basketball.

The Spurs on the other hand are a whole different vehicle. They have stars yes, but in 2014, they aren't the dominators like a LeBron James or Kevin Durant. Although in saying that, Tim Duncan is still a consistent worry for teams like the Heat that don't Defend inside as well as others, and clearly a consistent double double. Tony Parker can absolutely subjugate a lot of point guards when he wants to and is healthy, look what he did to D Lillard. Oh wait, Damien is one of the worst defenders around, whoops. He still did it though, and yes Miami is containing him better than last year, he still had 21 points of 8-15 from the field, 7 assists, and only 1 turnover. Manu can turn it on and is the anchor of the second unit, a reliable scoring source of the bench for years and years.
Although the stars hold it all together, both in terms of talent and character, the Spurs play possibly the best team game ever. Only Kawhi plays 30 minutes a game throughout the regular season, and the real contributors come from right down the end of the bench. Hey, Mr Bonner may even start a game here and there.

The schemes are brilliant, the coaching unquestionable, like really, don't question him. They move the ball like every coach wants to teach his under 12 team to, and the ball "doesn't stick." Their dribble penetration from Parker or Ginoboli leads to lots of open shots for the Spurs perimeter guys, whilst Tim is always a good inside option. The Spurs machine is really something for any basketball fan to behold.

As I said Im a fan of neither organisation. But we really have the two best Basketball teams playing in the Finals at the moment. Going from watching these two titans clash to the weirdly product non-offence of the Thunder, or the ridiculous, dribble the heck out of it Jim Rocket ball. Or even the Non-existent scoring end of the Pacers and the lack of working joints for the Nets, will just be disappointing.

The Heat and the Spurs play impeccable basketball, on both ends, and I would hate for you to miss it. Even though you may still be watching the games, no matter how much we hate them or are sick of their "winning," don't let it hinder your enjoyment of this beautiful sport played at its best. Seriously these first three games have been outstanding.
Game 3, in the first half the Heat were shooting a great 58% from the field, and still getting pumped, because the spurs were absolutely playing out of their minds.
The Pop-Duncan Spurs may be gone after this year, we may not have many more games to watch their combo live.
And LeBron will be around for a while, although he only has so many prime years, this could be the best player we see in our generation, wouldn't want to miss it because of some bad decision.

Unwell Local Man is disappointed after Learning that getting a Job isn't as easy as the NBA Implies

In the recent past, two very old basketball players with equally balding heads have been hired for high paid, high intensity coaching jobs. Jobs for which, they have absolutely zero experience.

Derrick Fisher, although he has been alive for hundreds of years still hasn't figured out how to smile properly yet.

Local man, James Temple (pictured) who has been generally unwell in the past, has become very disappointed to learn that he cannot become a doctor. 

James has spent his 48 year life dealing with regular colds, several stomach bugs and even once a broken scapular, he has thus spent countless hours in and around medical centres, specialist offices, hospitals and waiting rooms. 

He has been around the profession of those who have studied medicine for years and known the environment that they work in. He has seen what doctors do from his seat in the waiting room or even in the consulting area, and several times got the opportunity to tell a friend something that the Doctor told him. James says he prides himself on the time he helped a friend deal with the common cold after he went and saw a doctor who told him to "stop wasting his time," with his general unwellness. 

Although he has never, not once in his entire 48 years of being, been a doctor, and he hasn't studied medicine for a second.

James said he felt like he has the same right to be a doctor that Derrick Fisher has to be an NBA Coach. Disgusted by being turned down for the job James told reporters "I don't get it, I have been doing this for years, seriously I got conjunctivitis as a 2.13 year old, I have been around the league forever, thats longer than Derrick has been casually watching what coaches do."

Now having learnt that this world is just outrageously unfair James has enrolled in an advanced business degree at university in the hope of one day having the opportunity to work as a junior service station attendants assistant. 

NBA Fandom, The 9 levels.

If you’ve had a conversation with me that’s lasted any longer than 5 minutes you will have learned that I avoid Facebook at all costs. Im arrogant about it, I’m pretentious about it and Im annoying when I explain it. I hate so many things about Facebook and have a deep sadness for anyone who lets it consume more that 5 minutes of any week. By logging on you are literally subjecting yourself to the ramblings, thoughts, opinions and desperate social need of over 400 people you barely remember. When was the last time you logged out of Facebook and felt good about your previous 45 minutes? One of the main reasons I cant stand Facebook is that when Im on it, I have to read the sporting opinions of most of the people I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love sports debating, Im good at sports debating, its one of my selfish hobbies, but I hate facebook sporting opinions.

Heres a hypothetical example, based on possibly hundreds of similar real life posts, of what really grinds my gears

Simo Douchepants

KEVVVINNNN DUUURRAAANTTTT!!!! OMG I love him. Suck it LB James!!!!!!!!

112 people liked this 4.10 pm

So I see this post from some kid that I met and forgot 3 years ago, and in anger click on his profile to see that he has liked the NBA facebook fan, making him an official facebook fan of the NBA. Again, don’t get me wrong, I like that that NBA is growing in popularity more than any other sporting League and that casual fans are now able to engage with the league in a way not possible even 5 years ago. However I hate the fact that he and I are both classed as ‘NBA fans’ without anything to distinguish my level of fandom from his. There really are many many levels of NBA fandom. From the guy who knows that Michael Jordan was good, to the guy who can explain to you the intricacies of Defensive Win Shares. After thinking about this for a while I have established my 9 levels of NBA fandom, based on what I’ve observed in my time as a fan.

Before I begin I need to preface this with the fact that most people sit somewhere in-between these levels, and even go back and forth between them depending on what time of year it is.

The Guy

We start with ‘the guy’. This is the guy or girl, but usually a guy, who lives near other human beings and so has likely heard of Lebron James, but couldn’t confidently tell you which sport he plays, or which Die Hard film he may have been in. This guy knows that Michael Jordan played basketball, but can only give you what team he played for after 7 seconds of trying to remember. This guy may be interested in another sport, or not be interested in sport at all, but has enough pop culture awareness to hold a 1 minute awkward conversation with you about basketball. This guy most likely ‘liked’ the NBA Facebook page by accident, or because they were trying to impress a member of the opposite sex who just posted about how “keeeeeen they were for the basketball playoffs”. This is the base level NBA fan.

The Reasonably Sports Aware Guy

This guy is kind of your classic jack of all trades. Sure, he can tell you what franchise plays in Boston, but certainly cannot tell you which team won the 2012 NBA title. Hes just as likely to talk about rugby, or soccer, or tennis. This guy also generally has a focus on sporting teams, events, and stars that come from their country of origin. As in they will watch the Rugby World Cup, but only takenote of the current NBA champion if its mentioned on Local TV news. This guy will almost always ask the question “so is that Oneal guy still playing?”. This brings me to my next level……..

 The Shaq Oneal Guy

  

This is the guy who knows enough to know that there was an NBA player called Shaq, they might know that hes retired, but they don’t know that you never ever ever call Shaq - Shaq Oneal. Or even just Oneal. Its either Shaq, or Shaquille Oneal. Never anything else. This guys tries to impress you by name dropping star playersnames, but they always either get the name wrong, or they pronounce it completely whack. Maybe they would tell you about Patty Mill, or Wayne Wade, or Dirk Nowverwitzk, or Le-Bron James, or Kevin Duraunt (as in they literally say aunt in his last name), or Derron Williams (as in der RON). Infuriating, but at least their trying. This is the guy who still thinks that Dwayne Howard plays for Orlando.

4     The Bryant Guy

Could have at least gotten a basketball to play with

This is the guy who is kinda still at level 3, but tries to engage you in legitimate NBA discussion. When they refer to star players, they know their names and generally who they play for, but they try to sound way too cool. They oftenrefer to Kobe simply as ‘Bryant’. No self respecting NBA fan ever does this. They may something like “I still think Bryants the best player in the NBA, hes just so unbeatable”. This guy has probably learned what he knows from the recess discussion at school and from playing his copy of NBA Live 09 on his PS2. This guy has always wanted a jersey, but doesn’t have one. He plays basketball with the lads at lunch, and takes the horrific contested foul line jumper and then has 7 frustration fouls per 48 seconds. He always puts himself on the team with the best player, and then talks very loudly in the classroom about how you two guys “fully dominated”. This guy is almost always full time at Big W within 2 years of finishing school.

 The Kyrie Guy

5

This guy is probably the most annoying. This guy thinks he’s in the upper echelon of NBA understanding. This guy absolutely has a Kobe jersey. This guy absolutely loves Steve Nash. This guy absolutely plays in the local league, after secretly trying out for the nearest District team and getting his mum to drive him home immediately after being placed in Div 5. This guy absolutely sucks. He is called the Kyrie guy because he still loves Kobe, but has been watching heaps of that Kyrie Irving guy lately and thinks hes gona be sick!!!!!! This guy thinks next years MVP will most likely be out of Kyrie, Steph Curry, Westbrook, or Kobe when he comes back for revenge!!!! When you ask him about LeBron he will say that hes getting too old and about Durant he will exclaim “Oh yeah I forgot about Kev Durant”. This guy cant conceive of a world where Dwyane Wade is better that Kyrie Irving. This guy will most likely argue that this year is either the Warriors or the Suns year, cos they flat out deserve a ring. This guy has ordered a Kyrie jersesy, but cant pay for it yet cos his mum recons he owes her money. Last years All Star Rookie Challenge was the best moment of this guys life, and this guy absolutely did not watch a second of last years Finals. 95% of Facebook NBA fans are this guy. This guy absolutely sucks.

  The Clyde Drexler Guy

The Clyde Drexler Guy has heard of Clyde Drexler. This separates him from the previous levels. This guy has heard of Drexler, Stockton, Malone, Dr J, Wilt, Russell, Magic, Larry etc and could probably tell you one sentence about each. This guy acts like they know NBA history, but in reality they haven’t watched any games from before 2010. This guy knows that Clyde Drexler was ‘sick’, but does not know why. This guy is not annoying, and can at least contribute to most NBA discussions about current players and teams, and generally has a fair understanding of the best players in the L. They know what they do well (good scorer, good rebounder, good dunker etc), but probably couldn’t tell you the weakness of any of these players. This guy has a favorite player and team, and will know the outcome for their teams last game. If their team in in the playoffs or Finals, they will check the scores on NBA.com or watch the game if their mates are watching it as a group. The higher end of this group will buy league pass.

 The Nicolas Batum Guy

This guy has a well developed understanding of the NBA. They know who the best players are and have a fair idea of why, they can easily tell you who the top contenders are for the title. They have league pass, and follow one or two teams relatively closely. They can name around 9 players on their teams roster. They can tell you that Lebron James is a rare type of defender, but cant tell you exactlywhy. They can tell you that the spurs have good ball movement, but cant tell you why its better other than that they have good passers. This guys knows that most NBA teams would want Nicolas Batum because hes versatile. This guy will take the day off school/work if their team is playing in a game 7. This guymight watch the draft, but wont care if he misses it. This guy has twitter, and follows accounts such as NBA, ESPN, Magic Johnson and Bill Simmons. This guy is fun to chat NBA with, but you wouldn’t go out of your way to watch a finals game with them. This is the most fun and most sensible fan to be.

The Tex Winter Guy

This guy is pretty hard core. He knows who Tex Winter is, and why that’s important. He follows one team, and can tell you 30 guys who have been on that roster over the past 10 years. (oh, and I bet you just went and searched "tex winter') He has a favorite player, and enjoys shaking his head at his faults just as much as celebrating his strengths. This guy knows the name of the offense that the Lakers tried to run last season. This guy understands PER and uses it as part of most NBA discussions. This guy follower twitter feeds such as Zach Lowe, Haralabob, Hollinger etc. This guy can tell you why comparing the boxscores of the 80s to box scores now is very difficult. This guy knows his way around basketball-reference.com or a comparable site. This guy reads about the Sloan Conference every year, but cant really explain everything that is discussed. This guy cries when his team loses in the finals, and watches hours of footage of his teams 2^nd round draft pick. This guy wishes he didn’t care as much, but is addicted to the winning feeling and the fandom culture. This guy appreciates that crap out of Tim Duncan. You don’t really want to be this guy.

The Brian Clouser Guy

I've never met this guy. I'd love to meet this guy. This guy can tell you pretty much anything about the NBA. This guy can tell you how much cap room every team has and what free agents will fit their needs in the coming off season. This guy thinks in terms of defensive rebound rate, and win shares per 48 minutes, and appreciates the value of the eye test. This guy knows who Brian Clouser is, and all those who hold similar positions around the League. This guy may support one team, but they will likely also hope for great storylines and historical achievements in the League. If your going to be this guy, you’d want to be making money from it.

S - 

LeBron James, Lance Stephenson: BedroomBedlem

Things got uncomfortably frisky in the home of LeBron James this weekend. Sources confirm that at 12.47 am Saturday,  LeBron felt his wife, Savannah, whisper sweet nothings in his ear only to roll over and find Indiana Pacer guard Lance Stephenson beside him in the bed. After mass screaming and confusion, sources confirm that Stephenson and James engaged in a violent and prolonged fist fight, resulting in Stephenson laying unconscious outside the South Beach home. According to witnesses, James walked back inside shaking his head with a small gash on his hand. Darryl Holding, an apparent neighbor of James stated “well I don’t live in Cleveland, but I sure witnessed that!”.

LeBron and Lance have a history of awkward and confusing moments

LeBron and wife Savannah Brinson

The Indiana Times reports that despite the poor outcome for Stephenson, his spirits were lifted when teammate Paul George stated that he thought Stephenson “outplayed” LeBron during the fight.

S - 

Greg Oden say's Embiid is the Most Promising Draft Prospect

Greg Oden, the man most well known for not owning Microsoft, not being able to tap dance and not playing NBA basketball has come out and said that Joel Embiid is the most promising rookie prospect for the 2014 Draft.

Embiid is a dominant big man, with an NBA ready body. In many ways he shows a lot of the same promise Greg Oden did going into the 2007 season. Although due to several recent injuries, Joel Embiid has been dubbed questionable by several analysts and NBA general managers. Injuries, especially back injuries, and especially in big men are a major concern in a fast paced league with an extreme workload.

 

Although Oden is willing to overlook these unfortunate injuries and possible lingering hindrances, and says "we should focus on his potential."

Quality Centres are the hardest thing to come by in the league today as well as being one of the most important parts of a team. Because, fact: it is one of the 5 positions listed on a coaches clip board.

 

When questioned whether Oden felt like Embiids case could be anything like his own, considering he has spent the last 7 years (sometimes, occasionally, rarely) successfully moving from bench to physio table to bench, Oden was still optimistic about his affects on the team.

"I'm a finals guy, no don't question this, I made the finals."..... "Joel (Embiid) can only dream of being like me."

 

Greg has also made it known that he would love to mentor Embiid if the chance ever came his way. Saying that he organised and developed a lot of the techniques he used for his injury rehab as well as his game conditioning. Believing that he could greatly help Joel and his future career, maybe even get him to the NBA Finals like he did.

Oden said that worst case scenario is he causes Joel Embiids knees to explode simultaneously, destroying any chance of a career, although stopping any pain in his back being at all relevant.

NBA Finals, Irrational Quickfire Questions

Here we will answer some questions with the same irrationality and speed that a ICG takes his first deep three when he is subbed into the court. These are supposedly the burning questions everyone has about the league at the moment, according to ESPN.
Rules, no real planning is allowed, and answers must be able to be read within the time that it takes Ron Artest to punch someone in the face.

Finals Predictions??

S - The general media seem to be giving a decent edge to the spurs, because for some reason they feel like the heat won last year because of a lucky shot. Sure, the shot was very tough and an unlikely way to save game, but to think that’s the only reason the heat won is to sell them way short. The heat won because Lebron was comfortably the best player in the series, tony parker was a tiny bit hobbled for the last few games (his ankle is a question mark again) and wade was completely unstoppable in the mid range (the part of the floor the spurs were happy to give up). Those things could easily happen again. If the spurs win, it will be because they’ve improved, not because they should have won last year. Duncan was better last year, Parker was better last year, Manu is way better this year and so is Sugar K.

Key factors for me are Pakers ankle, Lebrons defensive energy, Wades usual stuff, Boshs confidence, and Manus ability to deal with a disciplined defence. 

I havent bet against the heat in 4 years, and Im not about to start. Id feel too dirty. If the heat are gona win it will be in 6 and so ill say heat in 6.

J - My hate for the Spurs has grown surprisingly Large since they just knocked the boys out. They are the best team. They are ridiculously deep and extremely well coached. Although despising them, I truly want them to win, for this one reason, they can then piss off. Fingers crossed.

I still have a weird feeling the Heat are going to win, and I find it so hard to pick against the Best player in the league.
I'm going to go semi with my heart tho, Spurs in 7
 

Where does LeBron sit on the all time players list if the Heat win? Dwyane?

 

S -  The LeBron and Wade thing is something ill write about after the season, but if they get another one, LeBron moves to top 5, and Wade I’m not sure, I have to look at it closer.

J - LeBron will get into top 5 at least, will have to do some research to distinguish how high, Wade I don't know, he is high though, clearly cemented himself as one of the best 2 guards ever.

As a Heat fan, what will be your reaction every time Danny Green hits a 3?

 

S - Danny green will be annoying, but along as the shots are contested I wont be too angry. He didn’t hurt the heat last year all series, just the first half.

J - Not a Heat fan, but I will be pooling all the money from my sisters piggy banks so I can put a decent ransom on his head if we have to face him again.  

 

If the spurs win, will Tim Duncan and Pop retire, thus making life better for everyone? Lose?

S - If they win they both retire, if  not they go again.

J - Please just go.

 

K-Love? 

 

S - Kevin Love is something I have no idea about, but I think the Lakers have a good chance.

J - I think the Lakers have a chance just because they are the Lakers, but it makes no sense for him. He has said he wants to win, and I'm sorry but the Lakers aren't winning any time soon.

 

Your a consultant to every NBA GM in the league, what do you tell them about Lance? How much do you pay?

S - I'd only touch Lance if I had a very mature, stable locker room with leadership but really need a SG. Theres not many teams like that. Buy many Gms are dumb.

J - I thought Larry Bird killed him after game 6?

 

Does OKC need to make changes? How?

 

S - OKC are very close, they need a better bench, you cant have Fisher playing meaningful minutes. Maybe start Adams? Durant needs to continue to improve, Russell needs to let him. They really really need to run a legitimate offence, their huge talent is in someways doing them a disservice. They can also just wait till the spurs are gone and the heat change direction, Where they are now might be good enough next year or the year after anyway.

J - They definitely need to make a few moves this offseason, an extra piece of the bench would be lovely. Steven Adams will be starting very soon. I'm not sure about Thabo, like is he good anymore? he definitely cant play offence and his D was unusable against the Spurs. Jeremy needs to develop, Offence needs to be run and Hasheem needs to get his pants sorted out (http://theirrationalconfidenceguy.blogspot.com.au/2014/05/western-conf-finals-game-3-recap.html).

Considering your overflowing bank accounts, what turned you off purchasing the Clippers?

S - The Clippers name turned me off, they should become the California African Americans.

J - I was keen but then they told me that I wouldn't be allowed to arrest Mr Sterling and use him as half time entertainment. I was going to put him in medieval style stocks in the middle of the court allowing people to throw food as they wish.
This was going to be my main promotion or the team and when that fell through it just didn't seem profitable.

How sad will you be if D-Fish retires?

S - In my mind Fisher retired in 2004 so I don’t really mind. Im not sure what he will do next. He wants to be a coach and could be a good one. I don’t think he’s as popular around the L as people think. He did an awful job of leading the players association.

J - I recon Fisher tries to out last Kobe so he goes to Germany this offseason and gets bionic legs.