BREAKING NEWS: LeBron James called for Charging foul

As LeBron James entered the airport on his way to the team jet, Ed Malloy, NBA official by day and model train hobbyist by night, called a charging foul on the 29 year old forward. It has been sourced that LeBron stepped aside to let an elderly woman pass, when the official made the call from his very advantageous angle.

It was reported that one young adult male from the Indiana airport crowd was forced to no longer be able to produce offspring when Ed bent the knee and erratically drove a punch forth with all the force he could muster. Clobbling the poor gentleman right in the plums.
After the incident Ed was questioned and told police, "thats how I do it every time I make that call."

After some time he did acknowledge the fact that a bustling airport wasn't the same as the NBA hardwood he usually operates on, and assured police he would make sure he had room next time before doing the stupidly pointless dance move he does every time he calls a charge.

The Irrational Confidence Guy : Lance Stephenson

The Irrational Confidence Guy is most certainly not the best player on the team. He hopefully isn't the second and maybe not the third. Although at any given time during the game of what we have named after the circle shaped object you throw a ball into, he becomes completely convinced that he is the best player in the league.

These type of players, quite obviously are irrational, they refuse to take into account any sort of logical cues and over rate every single one of their own attributes. 

They will back themselves in any situation, assume the offence as soon as they get on the court and rarely play defence. The last 3 seconds of the game is their ball park and they specialise at dribbling the air out of the flipping thing. 

This player rarely takes the good shots, and believes "as long as its me shooting, every attempt is a good one."

All NBA players are confident, although those who back themselves as much as these guys are known for actually being really good. Like KD, he should never take the shots that he does, those step in go ahead threes, although when he is taking them, they are a good shot.
Superstars are confident because they are actually good. Much like the Greg Oden wong picture, that wasn't irrational confidence, from what I've heard he had the weight to back it up. (Pun semi intended). So in my opinion, superstars are exempt.

Nate Robinson, Earl "JR" Smith, Jamal and Jordan Crawford, Jason Terry, Brandon Jennings, Nick "Swaggy P" Young, Patty Mills, Noris ColeThe list of players who overate their game, are to themselves "always hot," and are all likely to celebrate a miss, could go on.

Stats tell us that they also all talk like this,

There is lots to say about these guys although right now we have to talk about the one closest to our hearts, the main guy who is still contributing in the ECF. Lance "the 8th grader" Stephenson. Since the effect that the Indiana Pacers have on our league I feel it necessary to tackle this guy from both views. Firstly,

From an OKC Bias

therefore I want anyone other than Miami to come out of the East. I hate Miami, but so does everyone, although I know they are by far and away the best team in the east.
So I'm rooting for the Pacers, knowing full well they were never going to win. To me, Lance could have almost, if he hadn't kept certain qualities, worked his way out of the "irrational confidence" category. Almost.
Mostly because he has become so used by the Pacers coz there offence is so piss to help run the offence that I have almost gotten used to his antics.
Yet those few qualities i mentioned have stood out the last few games of this series.

His irrational confidence coming in the form of taunting the leagues, worlds best player, saying his "trash talk was a sign of weakness,"
Gotta respect his balls, (how often do you say that?)
Unfortunately he couldn't follow it up and instead crapped the bed in game 4.

And then there is the flop, what the heck.

"WHAAAAAHOOOOW
WHAAOOO, HE HIT ME"
He screams whilst crumbling to the ground and flailing his arms like the camera is around the next bend on a roller coaster.
then he does the classic, "Crap, this is going poorly, Abed pretend like your asleep."

J-

From a Miami Bias

Yeah its a real shame that Lance doesnt have a better head on him, its both his reason for success and his biggest flaw. Lance Stephenson should be a decent scorer, a guy who can carry the 2nd unit for stretches, and hit annoying as hell shots at the most annoying moments. He should also be a great lock down defender, who can be relied upon to give guys like Wade and Harden trouble. In many ways he does achieve these things, but its all the extra stuff which hurts his team. 
Why does he need to question the greatness of Wade and Lebron in the media? If he had any kind of brain he’d know that these are two guys who thrive of criticism. This has been his biggest mistake this post season. While Lebron doesn’t need any more motivation, his bid to be a top 3 all time guy is enough, its clear that the heat take a special joy in punishing Lance and certainly have not played any worse because of his comments. 
I don’t understand why players call out the games greats in the media and expect to get away with it. You think Lebron is going a tiny bit harder against Lance because he’s a dick? You can guarantee that Wade thinks about Durants comments every time he’s working out. You know Russell enjoys each clutch play he makes a little more because of the people who say the thunder are better without him. 
Lance also has a huge effect on the attitude of his team, partly cos he’s a dick, and partly because the team only has one leader, David West, who’s not in their top 3 players. Why can’t Lance bring his skills to the team, without having to be the dominant guy? Paul George should set the tone on that team, as its best player, but the team seams to be taking on Lances persona. While the Heat have adopted Lebrons laid back - then explode persona, the Pacers have been whining, making excuses, making delusional comments, pointing fingers, all classic ‘Born Ready’ stuff. 
Lance is the most relevant ICG, cos he’s a huge part of a title contender. I hope we see Swaggy P on a good team one day, that will be a thrill ride.

S-

All this talk is great, but I have to ensure you that although we may not like certain players at times, as a whole, we love the Irrational Confidence Guy. They are fun, completely unpredictable, and all in all make the NBA a better place.

One of the best examples of their brilliance came a few games ago. With a fantastic play from the 8th grader himself, thats what they do, they make big plays. 

Although even more interesting is the manner in which he celebrates, its like he just made a buzzer beater to win the series. 

Sorry Lance, its half time and you are down 4. Classic ICG. 

J - 

ELITE NBA BIG MEN, WHO'S NEXT?

Ive done a fair bit of reading and youtube watching for Joel Embiid. Theres like 4 guys that interest me in this draft, but at this stage he’s the only one that really excites me. Since I literally like none from last years pool, with the exception of Victor possibly (who I haven’t watched enough of to know), Im starting early on this years class. Im not getting ahead of myself though as I’ve only seen him play 1 college game, but he’s definitely the guy who I like the sound of the most. A legit 7ft with great defensive instincts, massive wing span and hands, great athlete, great skills for only a few years playing and moves well (simmons describes him as a taller serge). Other than Jordan and Wade, most of my favourite players have always been big men.

This playoffs is proving their importance again. If you want to make the playoffs, get an all star of any position and put some pieces around him. If you want to win a ring, get 2 or 3 all stars and make sure one of them is big (or Lebron James).Ive always wished that I could have seen more of Olajuwan and Robinson in their prime, but have only seen a couple of their games. Their defensive numbers are just amazing and they have attributes that set them apart. Hakeem in the post was just beautiful and Robinson was an absolute freaklete. 

Seriously, look at this guy

From what Ive read he could cover a stupid amount of ground defensively. I’m also trying to savor what its like to watch Tim Duncan, although I need to despise him right now, and certainly did last year, (I'm an all time Wade fan, and therefore follow the Heat) he’s probably going to be in the top 5 players I will get to watch in my life time.

"What did you say about me not having a Title?"

Over the next 50 years there will be other great players, but ill always remember watching Duncan, Kobe, Lebron, Wade and Durant, thats a lot of top 25 guys playing around the one time. And I also got to see a lot of KG and Shaq but they were out of their primes before I got to see many of their games. Watching KG absolutely destroy the league defensively on those early celtics teams will always be a good memory. Anyway, the point to all this is that I hope that Davis, and possibly Embiid can join this big man group one day. When the most intimidating big in next years playoffs might be Hibbert or Ibaka or Gasol or even Dwight, that sucks. Im keen for the next elite big man to come (Dwight never quite got there). I was a big Dwight fan in his first few years and I fully expected him to be the leagues next dominant championship, KG type big man. While he was elite on D for a few years, he never developed as a scorer, passer or leader and therefore fell way short of the guys I mentioned before. 

So Im going to compare the first few years of a few of the best big men from the past 20 years and see what kinds of things Davis needs to do to get into that conversation. Ill include KG, Duncan, Hakeem, Robinson, Malone, but not Shaq. Shaq was just too different and is not even worth comparing. Its like he played an entirely different position. Obviously these guys are the best of the best, and most of them have rings to back up their numbers. KG has huge career totals and will finish his career with one of the all time best combination of points, rebounds, blocks and steals. He has also won an MVP, DPOY and a ring. Duncan is the best PF ever, Hakeem is the best post player ever, is the all time leader in blocks and has 2 rings etc, Robinson is one of the all time great PER monsters and has a couple of rings and Malone is currently 2 on the all time list for total points. He scored more points in his career than MJ. So this is a pretty damn good list to be compared too, and obviously Davis has a very long way to go. To finish his career alongside these guys he will need to win a ring or two and continue to improve and put up big numbers. But based on what we have seen over his first 2 years, he has a great chance of being right there. Here’s the numbers for the first 2 years of this group. Note the drastic differences in the age that these players were drafted due to college/ high school trends.

Average stats after 2 years

Name	Rookie Age	PPG	RPG	APG	BLK	STL	PER
Kevin Garnett	19	14	7	2.5	1.8	1.5	17.0
Anthony Davis	19	17	9	1	2.5	1.5	24.1
Tim Duncan	21	21	11.5	2.5	2.5	0.8	23
Hakeem Olajuwan	22	22	12	2	3	1.5	22.6
Karl Malone	22	18	9.5	2.5	0.5	1.5	15.8
David Robinson	24	25	12	2	2.5	0.8	26.8

 Per NBA reference.com

The thing with big men is that they take a long time to develop, firstly they need to fill out physically and also very few have polished offensive games when they first come in. So for KG to come out of high school and play at 19 was a very interesting move. After a few years he obviously turned into a beast, but to begin with hes at a clear disadvantage just because of his age (he was almost Kevin Durant thin anyway).  Compare him to David Robinson who started playing at 24 after a full collage  career and time in the Navy to become on of the most manly men to ever man, and you can see why their numbers are so different. Seriously its incredible that Robinson put up those numbers in his first 2 years, Id take rookie Robertson over any NBA big man now in their prime. Comfortably. But at 24, he wasn’t really a rookie, he was a full grown man victimizing other men like they were children (while also being the nicest guy ever, he thought he was getting to egotistical so he went on a Christian cleansing camp…….what). Anyway Duncan, Hakeem and Malone all had college careers and came in at 21/22. Now obviously Davis’ raw numbers don’t quite stack up, expect on defense, but his PER is second only to the 24 year old Robinson! And he came in after one year of college at 19. Pretty impressive.

Now lets assume that he improves slightly over the next 3 or so years and his raw numbers increase while maintaining an elite PER. Heres what he will be aiming for

  

Average stats after 5 years

Name	Rookie Age	PPG	RPG	APG	BLK	STL	PER
Kevin Garnett	19	18	9	3.5	1.8	1.5	20
Tim Duncan	21	23	12	3	2.5	0.8	24.3
Hakeem Olajuwan	22	23	12	2	3	2	23.5
Karl Malone	22	25	10.5	2.5	0.5	1.5	20.8
David Robinson	24	25	12	3	3.8	1.7	27.2

As far as I can tell, keeping with this group is totally achievable from a statistical standpoint. Its fair to expect him to climb to roughly 22, 11, 2, 2.5, 1.5, 27 over that time which would statistically put him right there with Duncan, again only trailing the much older Robinson and Hakeem.

Barring injury theres no reason why this shouldn’t happen. His career is going to need to be assisted greatly by teammates, and hopefully things go more towards the Duncan or Malone rout rather than the KG one. KG wasted his youth and prime in Minnesota playing for horrible teams. Had he been drafted somewhere else, KG v Duncan could have really been a legitimate conversation. I just hope that AD doesn’t get stuck in a horrible situation.

He's obviously very thin, and a little injury prone at this stage, but his upside is through the roof. Hes a 6”11 PF who can handle the ball, shoot from range, score around the rim, and be a defensive menace. If he adds either a solid low post game or develops his corner jumper into a major weapon, I can see him averaging 25 for sure. Going in another direction, his brow is a funny gimmick at the moment. Hes still young and can get away with something goofy like that. However if he's going to become a superstar, hes going to want his play to shine brighter than his brow. I think he will get rid of it at some point.

"Hey Girl"

On to the next big man related topic, Ive heard media people pronounce Embiids name both Joel and Jo-el. Im not sure which one I think sounds better. Obviously Joel is a better name for 99% of the population, but I kinda like Jo-el Embiid. Maybe my reservations are due to Jo-el Anthony, a man who I dearly love, and whos game is the worst case scenario for any big man. Joel Embiid sounds solid, dependable, and so on, while Jo-el Embiid sounds exotic and unpredictable. Its these kinds of observations that convince me I’m destined to write for ESPN.

S-

Western Conf. Finals Game 3 Recap: Clothing Issues the Biggest Problem for OKC

The Thunder won, by enough. 106-97.
Im not recapping the entire game for you, because I saw it, and if you really care you would have or will watch it yourself. Although I must mention several topics. (I must point out that I am a raging, KD fan and therefore cherish the Thunder).

Serge Ibaka. The 6ft 10inch guy out of the Congo, flipping showed up. And I mean that, after it was expected that he wouldn't. Only 10 days ago Serge suffers a major calf strain which is firstly diagnosed as a season ending injury.
Although 2 days before game three the injury changed to a Day to Day situation before he walks out on the court for the game.
Now either we are seeing a rather major cock up by the young team doctor or a organisational tactical move. One in which Sam (Darth Sideous) Presti attempted to manipulate the wise and unrelenting Spurs Jedi council into believing that they didn't have to deal with the ring protecting tyrant any longer in the hope of springing an attack on them. Obviously Master Popovich, or Master Pop's as the youngling's call him, is far smarter than Yoda and expected the return all along. (This relation to Star Wars is gradually falling apart the longer I go with it).
Anyway, say this was a plan from the beginning they went to the extent of making Serge believe it. He reported that "he cried after hearing the news from the doctor," that he wouldn't be able to play in the playoffs.

How it happened doesn't really matter now, he is back, hopefully to stay.
Let us all be reminded of how important he is, because whether we are committed fans or just pretend we know things about the NBA, we can all generally discuss the Thunders two superstars, whilst Serge gets far less, and often none of the spotlight. Todays game, yet again highlighted the fact that the power forward dramatically changes games.
Yes Russell Westbrook is a better player, although to the Thunder, Serge is just as important, but gets no where near as much credit. He doesn't get triple doubles, isn't as exciting and doesn't dress like a blind man without a carer.
Although Ibaka does get good stats (15.1ppg, 8.8rpg, 2.7bpg, .536 FG% this season) most of what he does doesn't come in the form of raw box score numbers most fans idolise players for.
Most obvious of which is his ring protection, in the first two games of the series the spurs scored 120 points in the paint (Gm 1: 66, Gm 2: 54) without Ibaka. In game 3, with what should be a "not 100%," PF defending them the Spurs scored only 40, not to mention the 4 blocks.
Not only does this stop them scoring in the paint, Serge is the anchor of the defence. Without him the thunder look awful. Russell diving on every pump fake and taking massive risks most SanAntonio possessions, he is truly the biggest gambler since Archie Karas. Kevin has to play bigger than he is a lot of the time and even Thabo couldn't handle anyone without the security of the rim stopper behind him.
Serge, stretches the floor, provides a 3rd reliable scoring option and sets damn good screens (which actually the other OKC bigs can do, for the most part (if KP gets there in time)).

Serge Ibaka changes this series. Someone give him some love.

Tony Parker and Kawhi Leonard will need to come out stronger in game 4 for the Spurs to win away. Tony Parker uncharacteristically threw the ball away far to many times today and it hurt them. He had 4 turnovers and contributed to a few others whilst shooting 4 of 13 from the field after an awful start to the game. Kawhi had 10 for the game although almost seemed non existent for most of the game besides a big dunk in the third.
Manu was brilliant in the first half and normally a spurs team where he scores 20 plus is a winning team, although no one came with him or was able to take over when he went quiet after the major break.

Game 4 will be very exciting, the Spurs will certainly adjust and Serge will be able to rest before then. OKC's biggest problem which stood out after game 3 although was the clothing issues presented by the back-back-backup centre Hasheem Thabeet. I snapped this picture at the end of the 4th quarter today.

Remember the days when your mother dressed you.

After sitting on the bench for so long the 7 foot centre has unfortunately forgotten how to properly wear clothes. This has become a problem for 3rd string big men in the past having spent so much time watching the game from the sideline that they cannot formulate the correct body actions to place their shorts in the acceptable position. 

When questioned after the game today about his extended minutes, (3:24, couldn't have been more than that, I don't care at all about him so cannot be stuffed to look it up and get it right), he responding by saying "yes it was very unfortunate, I was pumped and ready to go when coach pointed to me. I started strong, but after my first foul call I looked up at the screen and noticed my shorts where up covering my nipples." When the reporter asked if it hurt to have your shorts that high, Hasheem gingerly reached for his crotch and then left the room.

Derek Fisher was clearly frustrated by the big mans lack of awareness and commented by saying "us veterans do all we can to teach these kids how to act in the NBA, although we can only do so much, some guys just don't get it."

This has become an ongoing problem for Thabeet who was embarrassed to reveal it occurred once before on the 21/12/2012 photo below (the last time he really played basketball).

J-

Oh Danny boy, I Hate you So!

Recent reports have come to light after several events that San Antonio Spurs Guard, Danny Green has officially become the leagues most hated player. After hitting a nasty 7 threes against the OKC Thunder in game 2 several fans were found in tears outside the stadium. After being asked what was wrong they answered through gasping, tears and snot filled weeping, "I just hate him, Danny just killed us."

Check out my pedophile face!

Stats show that two major NBA cities now outwardly hate the NO.4 Spur, on the bases that his shots are just all daggers, its like having your childhood pet dog die seven times within the course of an hour and a half right in front of you. Along with OKC fans, the Miami Heat supporters, still have memory of the days when it was highly likely that Green could be the Finals MVP if the spurs had won the 2013 title. 
One Florida resident who was questioned on a Miami beach whilst tanning his inner thigh said "thank goodness we won, it dampens the pain that Danny has brought to all of our lives, if we had lost that finals, my wife would have divorced me,"
In retrospect, this mans complete incoherence leads us to believe he may just have been high. 
Turns out he was already divorced. 

After game 2 even Spurs fans didn't have to many kind words to say about their beloved guard, one fan mentioned that "We had them, they were missing their 3rd wheel and it was all over, the 7 threes was just unkind, I don't like him as much now." 

Lebron James, the former most hated player and current runner up with a whopping one entire city of hateful fans felt the fall in position was deserved. After 4 years of trying to resurrect his image he felt the initial hatred from Cleveland fans had worn off. 
When asked about this comment a manager of a department store in Ohio said, "it hasn't."

Oh Danny boy, I Hate you So!

Let us know if you agree.

Oh and also If the finals are spurs and pacers (I don’t think it will be) then we would know for sure that the NBA is not rigged. That would be a ratings disaster. Id probs only follow it through twitter by searching only for tweets that mentioned "tim duncan” and “lance stephenson shot in face by pat riley using gun he bought in 2006 with antoine walker in mind”

J-

The NBA physical appearance power rankings, + some

M- you wise and whimsical scholar.

I completely concur, the NBA could be so much better. 

I agree with all your points minus caring about Wade's championship tally. Your last point is off particular interest i think to all people. Not that i think about his penis too often but Im convinced that KD's is most certainly in complete coherence to the rest of his body, super long and super skinny. He surely takes the phrase, "snake in your pants" (a well known saying) to a whole new level. 

It probably looks like one of those bendy long rubber pencils you got at the year 4 book week. 

google search "long rubber pencil that is floppy,"

In following to S- favourite player email, 

For me, my favourite player is KD, although not jumped on as early as you embraced Wade, i found a love in his rookie year, (the same year i started really following the NBA, 07). 

starting with a late fantasy trade that acquired me the young stick insect, and watching a game with you guys i believe, back in the old espn days. 

Right now the 2nd best player in the league, in terms of his place in history, everything is dependant on the future as he is so young. This year being the starting ground, (fingers crossed) after his first elite season, Per Nba.com.

We will see where he goes, will he become a champion, multiple mvp player, multiple elite year guy, multiply chips. Who knows where he will end up and be remembered, its almost limitless at this point, (besides he isnt as a complete player as MJ or Lebron or any of those top 5 or so guys, so he isnt getting to no.1). He could end up top 20, or he could be remembered as an elite scorer, and hopes those tent poles he has for legs and arms hold up and he doesnt just end up as another T Mac. Exciting!

Its of Paramount importance that we discuss and define the leagues most attractive players, since it is the playoffs and there is so many other important things we should and could be discussing. 

Rules, 

1. openly talking about love of men stays here,

2. any players that we dislike are immediately excluded from the top rankings, because no matter how pretty you aint gonna marry a chick that is just mean or plays for the Lakers.

Top 2 and bottom 5, 

1. Dwyane Wade 

Its not even a competition

Good lips, Good head, muscles, he is the full package, 

Not one female on this planet would look at him and say, "Nah, i wouldnt tap that."

and looks smashing in the semi dracula type coat. 

only downside is his massive belly button ive just noticed under his bling 

and yes, i did stoop as low as searching "dwyane wade sexy," to search for an image. 

2. Bradely Beal 

I just feel that he is, some have disagreed, but i dont mind his ears, and ive always liked a small head you can hold in your hands. He has the smile of a goddess and the arms of a god. 

Im sure his chest muscles are rather flavorsome as well. 

first, last 5, assuming there are 401 players in the NBA 

357. Carlos Boozer

white..... and ugly in the face area

358. Russel Westbrook 

Orc.... 

The resemblance is uncanny. 

359. Lebron James 

Body of a mythical creature, very impressive, but more scary than anything, and the face of the runt of the monkey litter who is slowly loosing its hair. 

400. Greg Oden 

couldnt be a more messed up face, looks about 46 years older than he actually is, although he does make up for it by being hung like and Egyptian (Ezekial 23:19-21) yeah the expression "hung like a horse," comes from the Bible. 

401. Chandler Parsons

Chandler parsons is here becuase he was voted most attractive NBA player, therefore he is placed at the bottom of my very highly acknowledged list which will hopefully bring his average down and therefore place him around where he should to be. 

J-

Fixing the NBA

This week I lived at home by myself. This is not a first-time occurrence, but it is the first time I've been home alone since I began full time work. In my scramble to complete domestic duties before leaving for work, I found my mind was not as sharp as it needed to be. One morning I forgot to shave, and worked a day with a slowly protruding chin fuzz that displayed a red tinge by days end. The next day I forgot to brush my teeth, and was so self conscious that I rushed home to correct my displeasing mouth gas. But not all was for a loss, as on Thursday morning while absent-mindedly pouring milk on my cereal, I realised it was not milk, but in fact Farmers Union Iced Coffee. Despite the generous contribution I was making to my future diabetes diagnosis, I plowed through the coffee-infused bran bowl. It was going to be a good day.

This was confirmed by a phone encounter at the clinic in the afternoon. One of our receptionists is named person x, a darling woman who is as innocent as she is soft-spoken. person x informed me that an elderly gentleman was enquiring about a product that his coach had suggested we may stock, she believed it could have been a form of back-brace, and did not recognise the product name. This is how I received a written note from the front desk saying, "Do we stock any Erectomax?". 

Yes, Erectomax is a herbal supplement for erectile dysfunction, and no, we don't have any at the moment, sorry. Poor person x now has a Google search history looking for Erectomax, and we have a story for every work-related function until the end of time.

Anyway, the reason I decided to write something today was this;

The NBA is about 40% crapper than it needs to be.

A bold statement, but after watching the best part of 2 hours of basketball today, I am uniquely positioned to make this claim. This is how to fix the NBA. 

Clip arts make presentations 43% better (no reference) 

Without any particular order, the following amendments must be made by Commissioner Silver:

1) The moment that Dwyane Wade retires, the league must scrap the conferences and seed playoff teams according to league-wide win records. I enjoy the fact that the Heat should cakewalk to the finals this season. But it is clear that the difference in quality between the top four teams in each conference is wider than Big Baby's prom night suit jacket. It's disappointing to watch the rotting carcass that is Kevin Garnett brick open lay ups while guarded by the likes of Ray Allen, and we should not have to do so in the second round of the playoffs. Meanwhile, a Clippers team featuring two future first ballot hall-of-famers (CP3, Barnes) will likely be hustled out in 6 or 7 games by the Thunder. Don't get me wrong, OKC are a great team, and the chemistry between KD, Russ and any referee during the fourth quarter is a sight to behold. But we would be better served by having elite teams on opposite sides of the bracket, with the great match ups in the later rounds, and as soon as Wade hangs up his jockstrap this must be implemented. The latest numbers project the league would be 0.5% better in this scenario.

2) The NBA must slash the number of replays and fourth quarter time outs to 1 for each team in the last 2 minutes of a game. In today's matchup between the Clips and the Thunder, I spent more time adjusting my scrotal position in my ever tightening pants than I did watching basketball. This is due to the NBAs insistence that every call is reviewed when a star player bitches about a flagrant foul or out-of-bounds scenario, which just happens to be every single play in the fourth quarter. There was one possession in which CP and Russ collided and the ball was knocked out of bounds. The refs made opposing calls regarding possession, and Chris Paul began bitching like he'd been voted off the Bachelorette, while Russ made what can only be described as a vicious rape face. This led to approximately 6 minutes of TV review, and four minutes of scrotal repositioning, completing killing the mojo of the game. It's bullcrap and everyone hates it. The league instantly becomes 0.5% better if the change is made.

3) The NBA needs a fundamental overhaul of the statistics presented on-screen during a televised game. The current wave of statistics are nice and all, but not particularly interesting. Today an ad was displayed for the NBA draft combine, and this got me thinking, what statistics do they gather at the event? Height, weight, vertical leap and so on are great but they don't tell you what every NBA fan wants to know - How big is his schlong, and what happens to it during an NBA game?

Think of it this way, would you rather see a graph with percentage of teams 4th quarter points for Westbrook and Chris Paul, or would you rather see a pop-up 'Schlongometer' when they hit a go-ahead step back three? And wouldn't this give a whole new meaning to the term 'heat check'? The fans want to know what's happening down there when the games on the line. What is the physiological response that occurs to the wang of DeAndre Jordan when he's on the line to win the game? 

As far as I can tell, if they give us this, the league is 39% better. And it's probably higher.

M -

Playoffs Recap, Kinda

What an unexpected first 2 rounds of the playoffs.

Firstly I didn’t expect Indiana to struggle so much against Atlanta. The just looked awful. Then I didn’t expect them to beat the Wizards. The Wiz could easily make the east finals next season, they were just a bit of late game maturity away from beating the pacers in 5. The heat struggle against the pacers for sure and part of it is the effect the hibbert has on lebron, but its more than that too. The pacers are full of irrational confidence guys. Guys that show no fear when they absolutely should be afraid. Lance is the biggest case of this in the league, he takes truly awful shots and makes awful decisions all the time, but he’s almost so dumb that when it works, it takes the opposition by surprise, and he keeps doing it. Like today just when the heat would start to pull away, Lance would take a 3 from a very long way behind the arc, the kind of possession the deserves to be defensively rebounded and an immediate pacer timeout, but instead he splashes it. Paul George had a very similar one. The heat struggle against the pacers, cos for whatever reason, the pacers are so full of their own brilliance that there is no room for the heat intimidation in their heads. This is part of what happened against Dallas in 2011. Sure Dirk was great and deserved MVP, but he wasn’t the one that beat the heat, regardless of what the media reported. What beat the heat that year was in inexplicable and totally unexplainable amount of bail out late in the shot clock 3s that Dallas hit. For that series, the entire Mavs supporting cast, led by guys like Jason Terry, hit 3 after 3 while heavily defended at the end of a horrible possession. Watching it was like being a 100m sprinter and leading after 95 m for 6 races in a row, but in the last 5 m of each one, falling over for no reason. The Mavs had one guy with rational confidence, and about 8 with irrational confidence. Unbelievable. They hit everything. Plus Lebron was a bitch. Ill forever be bitter about that series. If Lebron plays at an average all star level, the heat win another title and wade gets another finals MVP. Infuriating. Anyway Lance has been the pacers best player by far this series, and its cos he literally has no idea how bad he should be. If this goes 7 or if the pacers win, it will be because of him. And he’s also the reason this team will never win a title in my mind. Heres why. Every time the pacers have played the heat in the last 3 years, there has been a moment in pretty much every game where lance makes a great play ( a deep 3 or a big dunk) and celebrates by pounding his chest and shouting swear words at dwyane wade or whoever and acts like he has literally just won game 7 on the buzzer for his 8th straight championship. He did it again today about 3 times. You can’t win a ring with a guy like that setting the tone. 

I have also been surprised by how good the clippers were. They were literally a few bad calls and a turnover away from beating OKC (they would have won game 6 at home I think). Credit to OKC for being the more composed team when it mattered, but the clippers were so damn close. 

Why would anyone go for the nets? they are a bunch of overpaid washed up guys who think they used to be good playing for a Russian. Except for kevin garnett who actually was good but he's still playing for a Russian. Just my thoughts. (Fan talk)

I must address this issue we are having within our group of NBA fans. You shouldn't have a list of favourite players. 

Your favourite player should be the ONE player you enjoy watching most, who's career you have followed from the start and who makes you hate anyone playing against them. So for me, dwyane wade will be my boy unitll he retires. Even if he is still playing at 36 averaging 9ppg, ill still watch as much of his as possible. He should also be a player who you care about to the extent that you are very aware of his current place in the NBA but also his place in history. For example I am so aware of wade and his abilities that I must concede that he's no longer in the top 10 players you would choose to carry your team to the playoffs as he simply doesn't play enough, but that if you were picking guys to win the championship from here, he would rank very high. How many players are able to score consistently while shooting close to 55% from the filed, able to create offence for others with elite court vision and pass making ability, and is able to (when required) become one of the best and most disruptive perimeter defenders in the game. He's also won before and knows what it takes. So for me if your picking guys to go win a championship, which is the whole point of basketball, Id go Lebron, Durant, and then there aren't many more you could justify taking ahead of wade. I know that wade is the 3rd best SG of all time and the 2nd best defensive SG, he's also the best shot blocking guard and holds one of the top 10 best seasons of all time, along with a top 10 career PER. With a possible 4th ring before he retires, and theres no reason why wade shouldn't finish a top 20 all time guy. This is what you should know about your favourite player. That player should not change depending on which PG was the last to hit a step back 3.

It is becoming apparent that with this fluctuation of NBA Australian fans the quality of said fans is decreasing immensely. Therefore I believe we should and must invest a lot of time and someone else's money into enforcing this NBA Fan application Form

NBA Fan Application Form

Please fill out the form answering in the most honest manner possible. Only One answer is allowed per question and be aware that you may be asked to justify or clarify your responses at any time. Once you have provided the following information, you can expect a 3-6 week waiting period before learning of the success or failure of your application. As this is a matter of some sensitivity we require that you dont watch or discuss any NBA until your application has been approved, and obviously if you receive a rejection notice you will never be allowed to associate yourself with the NBA again. In this event, please feel free to buy a WNBA league pass 

subscription:https://liveaccess.wnba.com/wnbala/secure/registerform?utm_source=wnba&utm_medium=automated&utm_content=automated&utm_campaign=wnbala

Name:

Gamer tag:

Current local basketball division:

Years as “NBA fan”:

Team (singular) supported:

Player (singular) supported:

What is your favourite players worst basketball habit?:

Provide a brief description of why you follow this player:

How many times have you watched this player live?:

Please provide a maximum of 3 other NBA players you enjoy watching:

Who is the best player in the NBA?:

What does PER stand for?:

Name three respected NBA analysts or journalists:

Which NBA team does Bill Simmons support?:

What is your favourite chapter in The BOOK OF BASKETBALL?

What is the lowest respectable FG% for an elite NBA shooting guard?:

Explain why the Miami Heat are able to so successfully run the trap defence:

How many NBA jerseys do you own of players you have watched play less than 10 times?

We advise you that your application may be rejected due to an unsatisfactory answer to any of these questions. The best of luck to you.

Regards

NBA Commissioner  

Adam Silver

Obviously we would assess the applications and provide the necessary feedback. I feel as though this would solve all of our problems. 

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