Unwell Local Man is disappointed after Learning that getting a Job isn't as easy as the NBA Implies

In the recent past, two very old basketball players with equally balding heads have been hired for high paid, high intensity coaching jobs. Jobs for which, they have absolutely zero experience.

Derrick Fisher, although he has been alive for hundreds of years still hasn't figured out how to smile properly yet.

Local man, James Temple (pictured) who has been generally unwell in the past, has become very disappointed to learn that he cannot become a doctor. 

James has spent his 48 year life dealing with regular colds, several stomach bugs and even once a broken scapular, he has thus spent countless hours in and around medical centres, specialist offices, hospitals and waiting rooms. 

He has been around the profession of those who have studied medicine for years and known the environment that they work in. He has seen what doctors do from his seat in the waiting room or even in the consulting area, and several times got the opportunity to tell a friend something that the Doctor told him. James says he prides himself on the time he helped a friend deal with the common cold after he went and saw a doctor who told him to "stop wasting his time," with his general unwellness. 

Although he has never, not once in his entire 48 years of being, been a doctor, and he hasn't studied medicine for a second.

James said he felt like he has the same right to be a doctor that Derrick Fisher has to be an NBA Coach. Disgusted by being turned down for the job James told reporters "I don't get it, I have been doing this for years, seriously I got conjunctivitis as a 2.13 year old, I have been around the league forever, thats longer than Derrick has been casually watching what coaches do."

Now having learnt that this world is just outrageously unfair James has enrolled in an advanced business degree at university in the hope of one day having the opportunity to work as a junior service station attendants assistant. 

LeBron James, Lance Stephenson: BedroomBedlem

Things got uncomfortably frisky in the home of LeBron James this weekend. Sources confirm that at 12.47 am Saturday,  LeBron felt his wife, Savannah, whisper sweet nothings in his ear only to roll over and find Indiana Pacer guard Lance Stephenson beside him in the bed. After mass screaming and confusion, sources confirm that Stephenson and James engaged in a violent and prolonged fist fight, resulting in Stephenson laying unconscious outside the South Beach home. According to witnesses, James walked back inside shaking his head with a small gash on his hand. Darryl Holding, an apparent neighbor of James stated “well I don’t live in Cleveland, but I sure witnessed that!”.

LeBron and Lance have a history of awkward and confusing moments

LeBron and wife Savannah Brinson

The Indiana Times reports that despite the poor outcome for Stephenson, his spirits were lifted when teammate Paul George stated that he thought Stephenson “outplayed” LeBron during the fight.

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BREAKING NEWS: LeBron James called for Charging foul

As LeBron James entered the airport on his way to the team jet, Ed Malloy, NBA official by day and model train hobbyist by night, called a charging foul on the 29 year old forward. It has been sourced that LeBron stepped aside to let an elderly woman pass, when the official made the call from his very advantageous angle.

It was reported that one young adult male from the Indiana airport crowd was forced to no longer be able to produce offspring when Ed bent the knee and erratically drove a punch forth with all the force he could muster. Clobbling the poor gentleman right in the plums.
After the incident Ed was questioned and told police, "thats how I do it every time I make that call."

After some time he did acknowledge the fact that a bustling airport wasn't the same as the NBA hardwood he usually operates on, and assured police he would make sure he had room next time before doing the stupidly pointless dance move he does every time he calls a charge.